Sunday, December 19, 2010

Meet The Press with Joe Biden - December 19, 2010

Vice President Joe Biden
Mayor Cory Booker (D-Newark)
Fmr. Rep. Joe Scarborough (R-FL)
Andrea Mitchell
Mark McKinnon

Gregory: Busy weekend in Congress with tax cuts, gays in the military, DREAM and START

Gregory: Joe very nice job this week -
but what about jobs?

Biden: the deal to prevent the Bush Tax Hike
will mean more jobs

Gregory: Bush Tax Hike?

Biden: right - Bush signed a law to raise your taxes in 2011 and we prevented that and even added unemployment insurance

Gregory: Mitt Romney says there is still uncertainty - why did you not write the laws in stone or blood

Biden: job creators don’t care about rates for the rich - businessmen want a new backhoe

Gregory: but in 2012 people will want more tax
cuts for the rich

Biden: which people?

Gregory: me and all my rich friends

Biden: we had nail down a deal now

Gregory: Obama broke his promise to make Republicans to do the right thing!

Biden: hey Fluffy we lost the 2010 elections -
did you know that?

Gregory: really?

Biden: right - the GOP was holding unemployed people hostage

Gregory: but Obama compromised!

Biden: fuckin-a Fluffers - people were drowning!

Gregory: Obama is not serious about cutting
the deficit

Biden: bullshit

Gregory: oh?

Biden: right - all economists said to attack the debt we should cut the payroll tax and spend more

Gregory: so why not spend more money on shovel-ready projects?

Biden: great idea - we froze spending on discretionary projects

Gregory: I see

Gregory: will Obama veto any bill with earmarks?

Biden: who can say - we’d be willing to drive a
Chevy to the levee to fund troops in Afghanistan

Gregory: Veto - yes or no!

Biden: I veto you Fluffy!

Gregory: omg we’re going to have lesbians serving openly in the military

Biden: most of the Dutch military are gay men and they haven’t lost a war since Napoleon

Gregory: plus they’re all tall and good looking

Biden: especially in those speed skating outfits

Gregory: so true

Gregory: can we still build a missile shield
under START?

Biden: yes - look even John McCain likes this treaty and as you have no doubt noticed he’s insane

Gregory: Julian Assange says he will continue to release cables from Reading Goal

Biden: damm that fucker and his nice hair

Gregory: is he a crook?

Biden: he conspired with leakers unlike Bob Woodward who has a very nice townhouse in Georgetown

Gregory: is Assange a terrorist or a freedom fighter?

Biden: he’s a high tech terrorist because now I can’t bring my friends into meetings with other diplomats

Gregory: are we winning in Afghanistan?

Biden: in our effort to kill the last 90 members of al-qaeda we’re making great progress

Gregory: excellent

Biden: remaking the Central Asian region is however proving to be a little more difficult

Gregory: just be honest with me Joe

Biden: you’re a moron

Gregory: anything else

Biden: also truthfully Bush completely fucked up Afghanistan so we need to withdraw carefully

Gregory: Ok

Biden: we’re Al Pacino in Godfather III

Gregory: overacting in a regrettable sequel?

Biden: every time we think we’re out - we get pulled back in!

Gregory: should we be terrified of an al-qaeda
terror attack in America?

Biden: no

Gregory: that’s disappointing

Biden: but we should be worried about weirdo nutjobs like Underpants Boy

Gregory: How does Obama turn things around?

Biden: the American people want us to get along and get stuff done and goddammit that is
what we’re doing

Gregory: what is Obama - is he a liberal, a pragmatist, a Vulcan or an android?

Biden: he’s a progressive leader who knows politics is the art of the possible

Gregory: but Obama ran on changing Washington forever

Biden: but the Republicans decided it was in their best interest to obstruct Obama at every turn

Gregory: they were rewarded

Biden: right but they are already compromising - those weeping weenies

Gregory: can you speak reason to the GOP

Biden: Yes! I’ve been doing it all along Fluffman

Gregory: interesting

Biden: I like these Republicans and they’re
my friends

Gregory: Awwww

[ break ]

Gregory: Obama came through with big Republican votes on ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’

Scarborough: it’s a big win for Obama who was losing his base

Gregory: Cornyn and McCain said it’s disgrace to shove gays down our throats

McKinnon: that’s stupid and bigoted

Gregory: How did Obama pull it off?

Mitchell: Admiral Mullen and others persuaded others that it was immoral not to repeal the dishonorable policy

Gregory: what about the tax bill?

Booker: it’s pragmatic just like DADT

Gregory: Oh?

Booker: sure - the liberal base wants to raise taxes on the rich but I tell you this is a good deal for people in Newark

Gregory: is this the new practical Obama?

Scarborough: passing this bill was easy - Obama needs to control the deficit or America will collapse like Ireland or California

Gregory: Oh my god!

Scarborough: raising the debt is totally reckless!

Gregory: You’re a Reagan republican!

Scarborough: that’s different! He was a white cowboy with nice hair!

McKinnon: do you like my scarf?

Booker: unlike all of you I actually have a real job

McKinnon: oh snap

Booker: I don’t care about attacks on wealth - I want spending to build up my crappy city

Mitchell: the GOP were dumb to oppose the DREAM act - these are people who are trying to educate themselves and serve the nation on the front lines

Booker: it’s crazy - it’s like if Einstein were a war
hero and telling him to get his anchor-baby ass back to Germany

Gregory: so basically you’re saying it’s another Obama failure

McKinnon: we went from 44% of the Hispanic vote
to 28% in 2008 - so good job, GOP!

Gregory: people think American is on the wrong track

McKinnon: so true

Gregory: people think ‘No Labels’ is right-wing childish magical thinking

McKinnon: Rush Limbaugh and Frank Rich both attacked us so we must be right

Gregory: okey

McKinnon: America likes good things

Scarborough: Leftists are childish and they
lost in 2010

Gregory: so how does Obama punish the GOP

Booker: I heard you are a moron

Gregory: yes

Booker: Who cares?! my city is totally fucked! I have to work with evil people like Chris Christie and Mark Zuckberg!

Gregory: Andrea are we ever leaving the nightmare that is Afghanistan

Mitchell: everything is collapsing so we might as well get the hell out

Booker: why are still cutting taxes for the rich when we’re at war?

Scarborough: Obama cut taxes and doubled-down until 2015

Gregory: I’m scared of terrorists hiding in caves

Mitchell: Pakistan won’t cooperate so we should just fucking leave already

Scarborough: I guarantee we not leaving in 2014

Booker: people in Newark are scared of gunfire but it’s not coming from Afghanistan I assure you

Gregory: Mark Zuckerberg pledged $100 million for Newark schools

Booker: did I mention he’s a genius and a
wonderful person

Gregory: schools are awesome

Mitchell: those Asians are beating us our asses

Scarborough: a non-shitty American education should be our moonshot!

Gregory: Amen

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - December 19, 2010

Sen. John Kerrey
Sen. Richard Lugar
George Will
Donna Brazile
Rajiv Chandrasekan
Chrystia Freeland

Amanpour: whoa gay soldiers, tax cuts, and START - hell of lame duck Congress

Amanpour: Senator will our military be all-gay now and what does that mean

Kerrey: well George Washington, General Sherman and George Armstrong Custer were all gay so it’s not problem

Lugar: I was persuaded by the Marines that their seamen would be threatened

Kerrey: Dick has his mind on the tip of the spear

Amanpour: Will START pass?

Kerrey: why not - we’re on a roll!

Lugar: the GOP will pass it if we can amend it

Amanpour: how so?

Lugar: to only allow lesbians in the military

Kerrey: I think we can do that

Lugar: also we need a massive fantasy missile shield

Kerrey: we can still build a fake pretend shield
if we want to

Amanpour: but the Preamble!

Kerrey: Schoolhouse Rock covered all that

Lugar: look as Republicans we hate North Korea, Iran, Afghanistan Pakistan, and Iraq but that doesn’t mean we can’t hate the Russians too

Amanpour: so how is our failing war
in Afghanistan going?

Lugar: Those wily Paks won’t close the borders!

Amanpour: Okay

Lugar: of course we can’t control the Mexican border

Kerrey: Look Pakistan has a very very fragile
corrupt puppet government

Amanpour: does it

Kerrey: yes - did you know American drones
killing civilians are very unpopular there?

Amanpour: No!

Kerrey: Yes!

Amanpour: Richard Holbrooke died

Kerrey: He was amazing and focused

Lugar: Pakistanis like money but getting money there was very difficult

Amanpour: Have you tried throwing billions
in cash out of airplanes?

Lugar: that could work

[ break ]

Amanpour: Should we stick with the Afghan quagmire?

Will: we’re winning battles but not the war

Chandrasekan: of course U.S. soldiers can kill - but the Afghan government cannot control the country

Amanpour: Obama says we’re winning

Chandrasekan: but he wants to withdraw - which is probably right

Brazille: what the fuck are we doing there - we’re fighting to force the Afghan people to take over their own damm country

Freeland: we’re in a recession so the uber-hawk GOP decided we need to leave Afghanistan

Will: Harry Reid called the GOP’s bluff and they weren’t bluffing - they really are crazy

Amanpour: so really - no more earmarks?

Will: yes nutjobs in the Tea Party have everyone terrified

Brazile: that’s fine but what the hell are they
gonna cut?

Freeland: the partisanship over the next two years will make 2010 look like a damm Amish barn raising

Will: oh no there will be bipartisanship - Democrats will give Republicans what they want

Amanpour: who won with the tax deal?

Will: Obama had a terrible week because a federal judge in Virginia with a massive financial conflict
of interest said you can’t force people to buy health insurance

Brazille: fuck you George

McCain: I hate gay people!!

Chandrasekan: I’ve talked to the troops and they don’t care if you’re straight, gay, bi or Lindsey Graham

Brazille: they’re good soldiers and willing to die
for their nation

Will: and willing to kill which gives me a happy


Sunday, December 12, 2010

60 Minutes with John Boehner - Dec. 12, 2010

Stahl: He’s the new Speaker, won one of the biggest elections in decades and is third in line for the Presidency - meet John Boehner!

Stahl: what do you think of Obama?

Boehner: He’s brilliant and good looking

Stahl: he called you a hostage-taker

Boehner: that’s uncalled for and if he doesn’t stop
I will shoot this dog

Stahl: you’re so wonderful

Boehner: I know

Stahl: you disrespected Obama

Boehner: true but he said I am a color that doesn’t exist in nature

Stahl: he has a point

Boehner: [ sobs ]

Boehner [ on tape ]: Hell no we can’t!!

Stahl: you said ‘Hell yes we can cry our eyes out!’

Boehner: sniff sniff

Stahl: you mopped the vomit off the floor in a bar
at 10 years old

Boehner: I had 11 brothers and sisters and one bathroom which will help in running the House

Stahl: you were Kennedy Democrats

Boehner: then I saw the Reagan light and cried my way to the top

Stahl: why did you sob so much on election night

Boehner: I’ve been chasing the American dream all my life

Stahl: what’s that?

Boehner: providing for the safety and security
of the lobbyists who fund me

[ stops, starts sobbing ]

Stahl: have you learned lessons from
Gingrich’s mistakes?

Boehner: I’m going to try avoid being a total asshole

Stahl: you worked with Ted Kennedy

Boehner: he was awesome but in my defense
he charmed everybody

Stahl: Obama says you have to compromise

Boehner: Hell no I don’t!

Stahl: I don’t get it

Boehner: I speak for the American people

Stahl: you compromised on the tax cuts

Boehner: shhh… the tea partiers are loonies

Stahl: will you treat the tea partiers like children?

Boehner: that’s putting it charitably

Stahl: but the tax deal will add to the deficit

Boehner: only spending is bad

Stahl: that’s idiotic

Boehner: I know

Stahl: what will you cut?

Boehner: cut the budgets of committees
in Congress

Stahl: that doesn’t sound like much money

Boehner: true but it’s useless

Stahl: you’re a much better golfer than Obama

Boehner: I know - I’m so awesome

Stahl: why not play golf with Obama

Boehner: playing with little white balls reveals character

Stahl: Mrs. Boehner are you proud of your husband

Boehner: [ starts crying ]

Wife: he’s going through an emotional time

Stahl: I can see that

Boehner: [ sobbing ]

Wife: hell he was a janitor when I met him and now look at him

Stahl: indeed

Boehner: [ blows nose ]

Stahl: well good luck to you both

Wife: thanks Leslie

Boehner: [ baaaaahhhh ]


Meet The Press - December 12, 2010

Austan Goolsbee - Council of Economic Advisors
Mike Bloomberg - Mayor of New York
Rep. Anthony Weiner - (D-NY)
Harold Ford
Savannah Guthrie
Paul Gigot
Gregory: Is the tax deal going to pass?

Goolsbee: sure it will - we can’t allow taxes to go up

Gregory: some people hate it

Goolsbee: I know it’s a bitter pill to swallow

Gregory: Larry Summers says we’re going to have a double-dip recession - is he just trying to scare people?

Goolsbee: [ puts flashlight under chin ]
taxes will go up in 20 days!

Gregory: the tax cuts didn’t create jobs in the
first place

Goolsbee: true - but Obama scored an awesome deal for the Obama tax cuts

Gregory: do tax cuts stimulate the economy?

Goolsbee: not for the rich - but it’s a compromise
to help working families

Gregory: will you really raise taxes on the
rich in 2012?

Goolsbee: it’s possible - after all some say the world will also come to an end

Gregory: the tax cuts for the rich will add to the deficit!

Goolsbee: adding by not raising taxes?

Gregory: right

Goolsbee: look Fluffy Obama agrees with you
and Tim Geithner!

Gregory: but how can you show you’re serious like me!

Goolsbee: if you want to cut the debt we have to grow the economy

Gregory: that’s not what Tim Geithner said

Goolsbee: yes he did

Gregory: whatever

Gregory: isn’t it a fundamental flaw that this deal doesn’t solve the deficit once and for all?

Goolsbee: you mean like every Republican plan since 1980?

Gregory: don’t we have to raise taxes on the
middle class right now!!

Goolsbee: there’s a lot we can’t afford Greggers

Gregory: when will unemployment go down?

Goolsbee: soonever

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: Mayor what do you think of the tax deal

Bloomberg: hey at least they got something done

Gregory: but it’s not a long-term permanent solution!

Bloomberg: so what?

Gregory: but the debt!! [ screeches ]

Bloomberg: well maybe you should ask your Republican friends about that Fluffers

Gregory: but it seems like we’re not serious about tackling the debt problem

Bloomberg: we’re not

Gregory: so sad

Bloomberg: Obama’s job is to persuade people
to sacrifice

Gregory: do tax cuts stimulate the economy?

Bloomberg: sure - people take the money and spend it

Gregory: but the Bush tax cuts didn’t create any jobs

Bloomberg: are you deaf Greggers - I said rich people spend and invest money

Gregory: Is Obama a fighter or weak?

Bloomberg: well now he’s leading - by making
deals and accommodations

Gregory: I see

Bloomberg: we need to support the President to help the nation succeed

Gregory: how does he deal with Angry Liberals

Bloomberg: tell them to suck it up

Gregory: don’t Americans need to suffer with austerity?

Bloomberg: we need investment!

Gregory: really?

Bloomberg: we need a new great American innovation like the Erie Canal, national railroads, WWII, the Internet or the army of robots roaming
the subways of New York City

Gregory: what was that last one?

Bloomberg: I’ve said too much

Gregory: what must we do now?

Bloomberg: we must give people false confidence in the future - then they will spend wildly

Gregory: give me a tough choice you would make

Bloomberg: let foreign geniuses move to the U.S.

Gregory: sweet

Bloomberg: It’s national suicide to force businesses to only hire Americans

Gregory: are running for President?

Bloomberg: no

Gregory: are you in favor of scrapping political parties?

Bloomberg: they are very annoying

Gregory: you’re running aren’t you?

Bloomberg: We’re creating jobs here in
New York City!

Gregory: If I came to you and got down on my hands and knees and begged you to run - would you?

Bloomberg: no I’m too modest

Gregory: what do you want to do?

Bloomberg: I’d like to be the greatest Mayor of all time

Gregory: you attacked the left and right -
that tickles me in my special place

Bloomberg: thanks Fluffy

Gregory: could you roll Congress better than Obama?

Bloomberg: NYC is rocking and rolling

Gregory: but isn’t that easier said than done?

Bloomberg: Actually Obama is doing it

Gregory: really?

Bloomberg: and he’s creating awesome trade agreements

Gregory: what else should he do?

Bloomberg: Obama needs businessmen who have swept the floor for their employees

Gregory: I can’t say I’ve ever done that

[ break ]

Gregory: Obama brought in Bill Clinton to defend
his tax deal

Guthrie: The Bid Dog was in his element

Clinton: a Mexican Stand-Off ain’t gonna work

Weiner: I'm biased because Clinton married me

Gregory: I see

Weiner: When Bill Clinton compromised it was different because the debt is a problem now

Gregory: will you vote for this?

Weiner: Congress will begin to do our job - with
19 days left in the session

Ford: we got everything we wanted!

Gregory: really!?

Ford: Anthony is so worried about the debt - most of that come from the middle class cuts

Gigot: Obama endorsed Bush’s ideas!

Weiner: I’m not running around with my tail between with my legs!

Gregory: Is Obama?

Weiner: we have the numbers - we don’t have a
weak hand!

Guthrie: Obama is staring at the barrel of a gun

Gregory: wow

Guthrie: why didn’t the Democrats run on raising taxes before November?

Ford: I would like to note that Bush was a big-spending craptacular President

Gregory: let’s raise taxes on everyone!

Gigot: Yes! except the rich!

Gregory: Obama called the left sanctimonious purists

Weiner: Obama is right - if he had fought harder for the public option we would have it -
the people love it!

Ford: excuse me Tony - the public rejected liberals in November

Guthrie: Obama is finally fighting - against the left!

Gregory: Krauthammer says Obama pulled a Kenyan-style swindle

Gigot: Republicans promised to raise the debt and by golly they did it

Weiner: Republicans got what they wanted -
it’s frustrating!

Gigot: because they get to vote too

Weiner: Obama backed away from this fight!

Ford: Anthony the Democrats lost 60 seats -
did you know that?

Gregory: Is Obama a pragmatist?

Guthrie: this is who Obama is - the progressives wanted John Edwards

Gregory: okay then

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - December 12, 2010

David Axelrod - White House Advisor
Tzipi Livni - Israel Opposition Leader
Salam Fayyad - PM Palestinian Authority

Amanpour: Welcome David - Congressional Dems don’t want to cut taxes for the rich!

Axelrod: well do they want to raises taxes on the middle class and end unemployment benefits?

Amanpour: make me an offer

Axelrod: I’m not here to negotiate

Amanpour: what about the estate tax?

Axelrod: hey did you know there is a payroll tax cut?

Amanpour: Obama said he wouldn’t accept a tax
cut for the rich

Axelrod: right he never ever will - that would borrow money from China for no reason

Amanpour: but the deal extends the cuts

Axelrod: ah but not permanently

Amanpour: so will you raise taxes in 2012 which is after all an election year?

Axelrod: sure because the economy will have recovered by then

Amanpour: you negotiated with the GOP and
didn’t include any Democrats

Axelrod: It all happened so fast - Obama was at home watching the finale of ‘Dancing With the Stars’ with Mitch McConnell and suddenly we had
an agreement

Amanpour: Is Obama ditching liberal Dems?

Axelrod: not at all - he’s just ignoring them

Amanpour: Is Obama too much pulpit and not enough bully?

Axelrod: ha good one

Amanpour: Larry Summers says if we don’t make a deal we will have a double-dip recession

Axelrod: no he only said that it might happen

Amanpour: what’s so great about the deal?

Axelrod: it will get corporations off the economic sidelines and in the game!

Amanpour: this will add a trillion dollars to the debt!

Axelrod: these are existing tax cuts Christiane!

Amanpour: even so - how can we live with this debt?

Axelrod: what we can’t live with is this crappy economy

Amanpour: will any Democrats vote for the deal?

Axelrod: hey we hate this deal too - politics is the
art of compromise

Amanpour: thanks!

[ break ]

Amanpour: This just in - Israel and Palestinians
are still fighting

Audience: wow

Amanpour: Why are you humiliating the
United States?

Livni: We all want a peace treaty - I think

Fayyad: the process is broken

Amanpour: Can we make Jerusalem a place for all faiths to come together in peace - like Epcot

Livni: that’s a nice fantasyland

Amanpour: why don’t you recognize that not all refugees won’t be able to come back?

Fayyad: if only there were some sort of process to discuss all that

Livni: the answer is to create a Palestinian state to take refugees like Israel took Jewish refugees fleeing oppression in Europe

Amanpour: interesting analogy

Amanpour: Can the U.S. help at all make peace between the parties?

Livni: you can’t even do that in America!

Amanpour: good point

Fayyad: why not - they could be our broker

Amanpour: the U.S. has a bloody nose!

Livni: sorry about that

Amanpour: Fayyad has accomplished so much - why not assist him?

Livni: we are - we sent him a whole bunch of hannukah gifts!

Fayyad: thanks so much for those

Amanpour: would you like anything else?

Fayyad: um let's see - how about ending
the occupation?

Amanpour: can you do that?

Livni: Have you tried working with Bibi - he’s nuts

Amanpour: thank you both for coming

Sunday, December 05, 2010

60 Minutes - Interview with Mark Zuckerberg Dec. 5, 2010

Stahl: did you plan to have 500 million people turn their lives over to you?

Zuckerberg: I never knew people would be
that crazy - heh

Stahl: what does the word “hack” mean?

Zuckerberg: it means coding like a freaking maniac

Stahl: what’s a ‘hackathon’?

Zuckerberg: it’s staying up from dusk til dawn
doing crazy things

Stahl: you’re vampires

Zuckerberg: Shhhh

Stahl: Facebook is entirely different starting tomorrow

Zuckerberg: rights it’s a ticker tape of your life

Stahl: now you can see all your friends and
your friends’ friends

Zuckerberg: right - assuming you actually have any

Stahl: what about personal privacy?

Zuckerberg: what is that?

Stahl: people think you are sneaky

Zuckerberg: we don’t sell your information

Stahl: you just compile it and let others take it

Zuckerberg: if others do we hunt them down and
have them killed

Stahl: Doesn’t Facebook have to use information?

Swisher: of course

Zuckerberg: we don’t get it right all the time

Stahl: you hired a lobbyist

Zuckerberg: we love privacy - that’s why we
want to take it

Stahl: if Facebook creating a phone?

Facebook guy: no - we just want to own it

Stahl: is e-mail dead?

Facebook guy: no we haven’t killed it - yet

Stahl: are Google and Facebook on a collision course?

Swisher: Facebook smash!

Zuckerberg: the whole world is social!

Stahl: you’re stealing talent from Google - you even took their chef!

Zuckerberg: a man’s gotta eat

Stahl: you want to conquer the entire Internet

Zuckerberg: why stop there?

Stahl: Half a billion people give you their personal information - so who the hell are you?

Zuckerberg: I’m the inventor of Facebook

Stahl: you saw the movie

Zuckerberg: yes

Stahl: it says you only created Facebook to
get girls

Zuckerberg: not true - I created Facebook
to crush people

Stahl: are you a great entrepeneur?

Zuckerberg: well I sure don’t suck at it

Winklevoss brothers: We invented social networks and Zuckerberg betrayed us!

Stahl: but you didn’t invent social networking dudes

Winklevoss: he was our teammate - that bastard!

Stahl: why are you still suing Facebook?

Winklevoss: This is all about principles - he took our shitty idea and created a 30 billion dollar company!

Stahl: what is the deal the Winklevoss brothers?

Zuckerberg: I volunteered to help those losers and then I created a real website

Stahl: do you feel bad?

Zuckerberg: um no - those spoiled brats are crazy

Zuckerberg: you coined the term toddler CEO

Swisher: well like a toddler he’s grown immensely

Stahl: what were you right about?

Zuckerberg: I turned down an offer of a measly $1 billion

Stahl: when will you go public and can I get
some stock?

Zuckerberg: I don’t know, and no

Stahl: you’re a 26 year-old self made billionaire - do you ever pinch yourself? I mean really so it hurts

Zuckerberg: It’s pretty fucking amazing Leslie

60 Minutes with Ben Bernanke - Dec. 5, 2010

Bernanke: Unemployment is very high

Pelley: no shit Sherlock

Pelley: we lost 8 million jobs - when will we get them all back?

Bernanke: 5 years

Pelley: awesome

Bernanke: there’s more - people have been out of work so long they don’t even know most white collar people know spent most of their time at their desks on the Internet

Pelley: wow

Pelley: Wall Street is swimming in money but they won’t lend

Bernanke: why borrow money when you can’t sell anything?

Pelley: so no more bubble?

Bernanke: right - lend, but not too much

Pelley: why did you spend $600 billion

Bernanke: inflation is a problem in that prices are falling

Pelley: so. . . deflation?

Bernanke: right

Pelley: some people think you’re crazy

Bernanke: we’re not printing money - we’re lowering interest rates

Pelley: but inflation is terrifying!

Bernanke: that’s not a problem

Pelley: I’m still scared of 1979

Bernanke: look we can crack down on a return of disco in 15 minutes if we have to

Pelley: what about ABBA?

Bernanke: them too

Pelley: do we have a self-sustaining economy?

Bernanke: no you idiot

Pelley: how about the tax cuts?

Bernanke: we should worry about that 20 years from now

Pelley: how can we grow the economy?

Bernanke: simplify the tax code

Pelley: should the GOP run the Fed like everything else?

Bernanke: I’d have to say no

Pelley: you bailed out Wall Street

Bernanke: we prevented a breakdown of the global financial system

Pelley: you were supposed to prevent that from happening in the first place

Bernanke: no one could have foreseen widespread that obvious fraud and irrational lending would be a problem

Pelley: amazing

Bernanke: we didn’t oversee AIG or Lehman

Pelley: who did?

Bernanke: no one

Pelley: okey dokey

Pelley: what about the gap between rich and poor in America?

Bernanke: it’s great for the rich and not so much for the uneducated and poor

Bernanke: interesting

Pelley: Is America doomed?

Bernanke: not at all - if we can tweet our way to riches

Pelley: Awesome


Meet The Press - December 5, 2010

December 5, 2010
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Sen. John F. Kerry (D-MA)
Tom Friedman
David Brooks
Katty Kay
Gregory: should we cut taxes for the rich?

McConnell: of course we should

Gregory: Harry Reid says if cutting on the wealthy worked they would have fucking worked

McConnell: this would hit only small businesses

Gregory: they been in place since 2001!

McConnell: yes we would have had a bad economy without those cuts!

Gregory: that’s stupid

McConnell: I don’t care - a minority of the Senate has spoken!

Gregory: what about START treaty?

McConnell: never heard of it

Gregory: do you like the debt commission’s crazy recommendations?

McConnell: I love them - the debt is like the cast of the Jersey Shore

Gregory: how so

McConnell: both became hot when Obama became President and by January no one will care again

Gregory: are you made about WikiLeaks?

McConnell: he’s a high tech terrorist!

Gregory: Isn’t Obama incompetent for letting a Private get this information?

McConnell: I’m a GOP leader and even I think that’s a stupid question

Gregory: how terrible is Obama?

McConnell: the American people want us put Obama in headlock

Gregory: will you work with him?

McConnell: sure - we can approve the Korea trade treaty

Gregory: he was roundly criticized for leaving Korea without a deal

McConnell: that’s because the media is full of right-wing whores - thank god

Gregory: is he tougher than his opponents think?

McConnell: was he mean to you Fluffy?

Gregory: what about repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell?

McConnell: I can’t support it because of abortion in military hospitals

Gregory: [ facepalm ]

Gregory: what’s up John?

Kerry: Republicans want to cut unemployment insurance so they can give $100,000 to very rich people

Gregory: but rich people are very uncertain about how rich they will be

Kerry: the GOP is morally bankrupt and reckless

Gregory: but they’re so handsome and responsible

Kerry: the Chinese are making solar panels and we lead the world in per capita dancing with stars

Gregory: so why is Obama going to cave to the Republicans?

Kerry: he’s not!

Gregory: that’s not what I heard!

Kerry: Mitch McConnell is a prick

Gregory: Obama does nothing to make Republicans squirm

Kerry: not true - every morning he’s black

Gregory: good point

Kerry: Fluffy Obama rescued Wall Street and got no credit

Gregory: how does that make the GOP unhappy?

Kerry: I’m trying to focus the American people - listen up - the GOP is holding unemployment hostage to give your money away to rich people!

Gregory: you make that sound bad

Kerry: the Democrats comprised over and over and over - and this is our Sputnik moment except we’re East Germany

Gregory: Bob Gates say there’s been an overreaction to WikiLeaks

Kerry: Social Security numbers were exposed!

Gregory: oh my

Kerry: the truth of our diplomatic gossip can be very embarrassing

Gregory: How do you ask a man to be the last man or woman to die in Afghanistan?

Kerry: Afghanistan is not Vietnam - for example Afghanistan has treacherous mountains and it never rains

Gregory: how else?

Kerry: no good movies have been about Afghanistan

Gregory: that’s true

Kerry: we’re going to win in 2014!

Gregory: why does America have a sad Brooksie?

Brooks: the good news is we’re not Chinese - the bad news is we’re not the Chinese

Murphy: the Republicans will give on the START treaty which they support in exchange for tax cuts which they also support

Gregory: we’re not adding jobs but we’re panicking about the debt

Kay: we’ve reached Peak America

Gregory: I see

Kay: but things are worse in Europe because they peaked years ago

Friedman: we’re in flat world which means we need more immigrants, roads, bridges, and education

Gregory: you’re crushing my world

Friedman: people want a human-animal hybrid politics

Gregory: the liberal base is very angry

Murphy: he’s got to dump progressives and stop governing as such a crazy lefty

Gregory: what else?

Murphy: cut social security and medicare

Kay: Americans have a messianic sense of entitlement

Brooks: Paul Ryan is a very serious and inspiring loon

Gregory: I see

Brooks: McConnell made news today when he said he was willing to sit down - that’s a huge giveaway!

Friedman: I like things which are Big and Hard

Kay: the American people don’t feel the deficit is a problem just because interest rates are low which is sad

Gregory: Obama’s approval is not that bad compared to Reagan or Clinton

Brooks: yes but the economy is worse and liberals are wringing their hands over Obama’s weakness

Murphy: Democrats are silly to worry about taxes on the rich

Gregory: what did we learn from the WikiLeaks?

Friedman: the U.S. is giant money-laundering operation

Gregory: fascinating

Friedman: also we are addicted to oil and credit

Brooks: American attacked us in Korea in 1952!

Kay: the leaks show America is not as powerful as it was after World War II

Murphy: Julian Assange committed an act of treason!

Gregory: how so?

Murphy: he never puts shrimp on the barbie!

Gregory: Joe Scarborough says the GOP should man up and say mean things about Sarah Palin

Murphy: She’s a total disaster - but she can win the GOP Iowa caucus

Gregory: what up about Afghanistan?

Friedman: those wily middle easterners are only in it for the money

Gregory: ooh I hate that Tom - and that’s Meet The Press


This Week with Christiane Amanpour - December 5, 2010

Gen. (Ret.) Wesley Clark
Lt. Col. (Ret.) Bob Maginnis
Tammy Schultz - Marine Corps War College
Clarke Cooper - Log Cabin Republicans
Sgt. Stacy Vasquez
Elaine Donnelly, Center for Military Readiness

Amanpour: Should gays serve in the military?

Colin Powell, 1993: hell no!

Colin Powell, 2010: why not - they’re adorable!

Marines: let’s wait til we’re down to just one and a half wars

Clark: hey if we can fight two wars we can handle a few open gays

Amanpour: heck even conservatives support repeal

Schultz: the troops don’t think it’s a problem at all

Amanpour: but our precious Marines and their seamen!

Schultz: they’re too focused on fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan to worry about a couple of lesbians

Amanpour: ok we’re surveyed everyone and we all love gay people and also Glee is America’s most popular show

Donnelly: Gays in the military are like putting stones in your sack - very gay stones

Cooper: hey lady I was in combat and I only care if people shoot straight

Amanpour: the tip of the spear has gay panic

Cooper: all we have to do is send out a memo telling Marines to stop discrimination

Maginnis: the soldiers will follow orders but we will lose recruits and most soldiers come from gay-hating areas like Alabama and Idaho

Amanpour: fascinating

Maginnis: most soldiers are conservatives

Amanpour: are you sure?

Maginnis: yes for example they hate government but have cradle to grave government-provided health care

Amanpour: that sounds right

Clark: nobody asked on D-Day if Matt Damon was gay

Amanpour: interesting

Clark: open lesbians make great soldiers - they increase morale!

Donnelley: we can’t have premature adjudication

Cooper: there have always been gays in the military

Donnelley: the policy is too lenient on those wily wicked gays

Amanpour: Stacy you were promoted 7 times and then outed

Vasquez: yes I was highly decorated and commended for my dedication and professionalism

Amanpour: well thank god the U.S. Army is safe from your lesbian ways

Lyster-Todd: the British army finally allowed openly straight men and nothing changed much

British Admiral: turns our they’re like all the other blokes and chaps and now recruit we them

Donnelly: military readiness!

Maginnis: that’s easy for Britain but Americans are bigger which is a problem in the showers

Amanpour: oooh

Schultz: these opponents just don’t like gay people

Cooper: talk about combat readiness - we are low on personnel and ammunition!

Donnelly: the Log Cabin soldiers are at war with the U.S. military

Cooper: idiot

Clark: hey if fans of the Cavaliers and the Heat and serve together anyone can

Amanpour: don’t pass don’t tell