Sunday, July 25, 2010

Meet The Press - July 25, 2010

Tim Geithner - Sec. of Treasury
Marc Morial
Anita Dunn
E.J. Dionne
David Brooks
Rick Santelli

Gregory: Tim will things get worse before
they get better?

Geithner: sure but we’re seeing positive signs
and I think most unemployed Americans get that
and sympathize with us

Gregory: oh no doubt

Geithner: look we lived beyond our means for
years but now the party is over and it’s time to sober and pick up the beer cans and passed out drunks
off the lawn

Gregory: will we have another recession?

Geithner: well if we did that would make me look
like an idiot Greggers

Gregory: where are all the jobs?

Geithner: there’s a lot of pent up demand - the economy is like teenage boy ready to explode

Gregory: but those boys have no confidence

Geithner: we have to massage the economy
and buck them up!

Gregory: why not stimulate more?

Geithner: we’re in a transition period

Gregory: so no more stimulus?

Geithner: we can’t deal a stimulus now since we have high unemployment

Gregory: um that was my point Timster

Geithner: government must transition from doing something about the economy to not caring as usual

Gregory: why not pay for unemployment benefits like we do for wars and tax cuts for the rich

Geithner: because that’s fucking stupid Fluffy

Gregory: that’s an outrageous implication

Geithner: it won’t add to the debt moron

Gregory: so why not a big giant stimulus to jump-start the economy?

Geithner: if we do that the Germans will mock me
at the next summit

Gregory: should bankers on welfare get
fat bonuses?

Geithner: yes but only this time and not again

Gregory: how can we prevent another crisis?

Geithner: this new law will add cushions to the economy

Gregory: sounds comfy

Gregory: does it bother you that 25% of our economy are useless fuckers running a giant casino

Geithner: not at all Fluffers

Gregory: how do you solve the housing crisis?

Geithner: lower interest rates and a modest mortgage modification program

Gregory: very very modest I should say

Geithner: well we don’t want to reinflate the
bubble Greggers

Gregory: so should we allow poor people to
own property?

Geithner: sure but in a carefully designed way so the peons and unwashed are not included

Gregory: will you raise taxes on the very rich?

Geithner: Look all those fucking teabaggers are so worried about the debt - well guess what we’re going to be responsible and raise taxes on the top 2%

Gregory: what’s a painful choice you’re willing make to tackle the debt?

Geithner: we’re going to cut spending and raise taxes on the rich

Gregory: what about something really really painful

Geithner: I came on your show

Gregory: Americans have seen their investments
go down and Obama is President

Geithner: they’re gone up since he became President liar

Gregory: [ grins ] well whatever

Geithner: deceitful bubblehead

Gregory: and now let’s talk about why the media can’t get basic facts right

[ break ]

Gregory: Barack Obama was going bring us a wonderful post-racial America - and he’s failed!!

[ grins ]

Shirley Sherrod was wrongly fired - a teachable moment? Do we another beer summit? Some observers say Obama could solve racial problems and others say he’s failed because we still act crazy when it comes to race

Gregory: this is all politically charged - what happened Marc?

Morial: I’ll tell you what happened - that fucker Breitbart yelled fire in a crowded theater

Gregory: I used to love that guy

Morial: we learned that Shirley Sherrod has a fascinating and teachable story and also let me
plug my upcoming conference

Gregory: Let me quote Maureen Dowd

Dunn: oh my god

Gregory: no Dowd has strong words for the
White House

Dunn: yeah maybe the NAACP needs an advisor on black relations too

Gregory: hah ok

Dunn: the media fucked up too Fluffy

Gregory: yes but Obama is insensitive on race

Dunn: jesus he wrote a whole book on race

Gregory: but Obama was supposed to get rid of racial problems

Dunn: look this unhinged lunatic tried to say the NAACP is a racist organization

Gregory: yeah that was funny

Dionne: holy fuck Sherrod gives a positive post-racial speech and the media is so fucking terrified of being called liberal they run with every right-wing story no matter how false and slimy

Brooks: I always check the facts unlike those horrible bloggers

Dunn: eat at an Applebee’s recently Brooksie?

Gregory: is the Tea Party really trying to convince people that Obama is a black racist and whites are the real victims of racism?

Santelli: sure there are a few racists in the Tea Party but only because the Tea Baggers are against welfare for lazy poor people who happen to be black

Gregory: why won’t Obama engage in race and solve racism in America!

Morial: Obama needs a black friend like
Stephen Colbert has

Gregory: that’s a good idea

Morial: the Tea Party compared Obama to the worst people in world history like Hitler, Lenin, Mao and Mel Gibson

Gregory: the left is just as bad!

Dionne: Hey Fluffy Fox News says Obama has a deep seated hatred of white people

Brooks: I have an anecdote - Black people love
the Tea Party

Gregory: Jim Webb helpfully used this moment to tell us that we should get rid of affirmative action and poor white people have suffered the most

Brooks: we live in a gotcha culture - why did people go after poor Tom Vilsack

Dunn: somehow I’m sure the media will find a way to blame Obama

Morial: meanwhile the Senate cut $1 billion in benefits this week

Gregory: what about poor white people?

Morial: yeah it’s real tragedy

Santelli: I just realized in January 2009 that the debt and the deficit is terrible!

Gregory: the stimulus isn’t working well enough

Brooks: people are very scared of the debt
since 2009

Gregory: interest rates are low so let’s borrow
and spend!

Santelli: yes but that could change

Gregory: but it hasn’t

Santelli: well look at Greece

Gregory: so what

Santelli: look we cut spending for all the little people

Gregory: why doesn’t Obama raise taxes on
poor people?

Dunn: because it’s stupid and would hurt
the economy

Gregory: but Democrats believe tax cuts are
a bad idea

Dunn: no liar Democrats voted for them and only believe excessive tax cuts for the rich should
be repealed

Gregory: Obama spoke to angry liberal bloggers this week by telling them he’s trying to keep his promise to let gays serve openly in Gitmo and Afghanistan

Dionne: jesus fuck the rich pay a lower tax rate than poor people do!

Brooks: as an economist I say we should think long term and give a tax credit for ignorant bullshit

Gregory: we’d all get rich!

Brooks: can I get an amen!

Gregory: Marc you’re black - how about
Charlie Rangel?

Morial: hey don’t rush to judgment on that corrupt fucker

Dunn: that’s right he may yet be acquitted of the charges he’s clearly guilty of

Gregory: Wise words indeed

This Week with Tim Geithner and Chris Christie - July 25, 2010

July 25, 2010
Tapper: Timster will you keep the very expensive but awesome Bush tax cuts on the obscenely rich?

Geithner: we will cut taxes on 95% of the people
and raise taxes on the top 2% because the Tea Party want to cut the debt

Tapper: clever - but won’t that slow the growth in
the sales of gold plated toilets?

Geithner: it could but I’m not too worried Tapper
my ass is covered

Tapper: Blue Dogs are very worried about the deficit so they want to keep lower taxes on the
wealthiest 1%

Geithner: so so sad -- fuck ‘em

Tapper: what can you do to grow this economy?

Geithner: convince businesses to rehire people

Tapper: how so

Geithner: with my awesome charisma

Tapper: um do you have a backup plan?

Geithner: ha

Tapper: isn’t it terribly important to pay for unemployment benefits unlike everything else or future generations will be mad at us?

Geithner: no that’s idiotic

Tapper: shouldn’t we have less financial regulation since lack of regulation failed us before?

Geithner: no because the new law will allow the government write a strongly worded letter to businesses before they destroy America

Tapper: Liz Warren hates you but consumer groups love her

Geithner: she’s a sharp cookie I’ll give her that

Tapper: giant businesses on welfare are giving their employees free Lamborghinis

Geithner: that’s crazy we told them to buy American and get Cadillacs

Tapper: Auto companies had to take haircuts but bankers did not

Geithner: no the executives had to do that too

Tapper: Tim those were actual haircuts!

Geithner: well that’s what the financial regulation bill is for Jake

Tapper: did you learn anything from the Sherrod fuck-up?

Geithner: yeah never trust Fox news and their
evil minions

Tapper: my sister network - who knew?!

[ break ]

Tapper: Governor how in the hell did you win in
New Jersey?

Christie: I just promised lower taxes and common sense bullshit and people love that nonsense

Tapper: critics say you balanced the budget by just ignoring your funding obligations

Christie: no I cut spending that might have happened but didn’t

Tapper: like what?

Christie: we cut education spending that Corzine had blown

Tapper: that money from the federal government

Christie: look we’re broke so we’re cutting pensions

Tapper: you raised property taxes

Christie: no that’s shared sacrifice Jake

Tapper: it’s a shared tax increase big guy

Christie: I don’t see it that way

Tapper: do you hate teachers?

Christie: no I love teachers but they’re coddled and other unions are seeing their property taxes
going up

Tapper: you’re raising them!

Christie: stop saying that

Tapper: you come across as kind of a jerk

Christie: fuck you

Tapper: gimme straight talk - will join the lawsuit against health care reform?

Christie: dunno

Tapper: who do you say is demagoguing immigration?

Christie: secure our borders!

Tapper: has the GOP hurt their cause with immigrants?

Christie: maybe

Tapper: sounds like a yes

Christie: hey I’ve worked with Democrats in NJ so Obama can work with the loons in Washington

Tapper: speaking of crazies do you love the
“Jersey Shore”

Christie: no I hate that show - it’s a totally negative stereotype!

Tapper: what do you recommend?

Christie: The Sopranos

Tapper: right

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Meet The Press - July 18, 2010

July 18, 2010
Sen. Robert Menendez (D-NJ)
Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX)
Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD)
Rep. Sessions

Gregory: Will Republicans win in the fall?

Cornyn: yes because Obama is socialist and
the economy sucks

Gregory: True but the GOP did crash the economy

Cornyn: no Nancy Pelosi wrecked America beginning in 2007

Menendez: that’s fucking hilarious

Van Hollen: I can’t wait the GOP to run on repealing health care and financial regulation

Cornyn: they forced this black President and his socialist ideas down our throats

Gregory: OMG Robert Gibbs said the Democrats could lose the House - this will have a great impact on all the races!

Van Hollen: do you really think that anyone outside the Beltway noticed what he said

Gregory: oh yes!

Van Hollen: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: but House Dems are mad at Obama

Van Hollen: The GOP has decided to carp and
whine like little babies until the fall

Gregory: Remember how awesome Newt Gingrich and the Contract with America was? That was
so awesome

Cornyn: Obama never sought Republican support

Menendez: you’ve got to be fucking kidding

Cornyn: Obama is a job-killer!

Menendez: almost like Bush!

Cornyn: unemployed people are very concerned about the debt

Gregory: polls say Obama hasn’t created enough jobs to recover from the Bush recession

Menendez: we are still trying to fix the epic
disaster that was the Bush Presidency

Gregory: But Obama has lost white men - who are very practical and only care about things like whether Obama can fix oil spills by himself

Van Hollen: we lost jobs for 8 fucking years -
why would these so-called practical voters want to
go back to that?

Sessions: that’s not true - some people had jobs
in the Bush years but everyone in America is now unemployed

Gregory: fascinating

Sessions: we must cut taxes and repeal health
care which will bankrupt America

Gregory: what is your basic message?

Sessions: cut taxes, cut spending and run against the Black Panthers

Van Hollen: holy shit they really want to go back
to the Bush years - except they also want to apologize to BP

Gregory: wasn’t spending out of control when Bush was President?

Cornyn: no because debt is very high now

Gregory: Bush ran up that debt

Cornyn: yes but Obama is almost as bad as Bush which is very bad

Gregory: but if we return to Bush policies it
will get worse

Cornyn: yes but Obama is a black Kenyan Socialist

Menendez: Go ahead America - vote Republican -
I dare you

Gregory: Because I worship Politico and hate Obama so I have to ask - why is Obama so bad?

Van Hollen: Hey Fluffy - the Republicans won’t even cut taxes for the middle class

Gregory: oh

Van Hollen: is they are so fucking concerned for the debt why don’t they repeal the Bush tax cuts??

Menendez: I am so tired of these Republican assholes and their fucking hypocrisy and lies

Gregory: what does the Republican party stand for?

Sessions: we need to live within our means - now that we are in a recession we must slash spending

Gregory: what will you cut?

Sessions: we will balance the budget

Gregory: how?

Sessions: by cutting a lot

Gregory: cut what?

Sessions: empower people and business

Gregory: what the fuck are you planning on doing??

Cornyn: we’re waiting for the Obama’s blue ribbon commission

Gregory: why do you need Obama’s permission to decide what your plan is?

Cornyn: he’s a scary black man

Gregory: will you repeal health care reform?

Cornyn: yes we will replace it with common sense

Gregory: how about repealing financial regulation?

Cornyn: we will replace ideology will common sense

Gregory: truly you have series of unassailably brilliant ideas

Menendez: jeebus these people are idiots

Van Hollen: 8 years of GOP policies and we lost jobs - good luck with that fuckers

Gregory: but some people do prefer Republicans

Van Hollen: sure people who want to do away
with Social Security

Gregory: Is the Tea Party a bunch of dangerous racists?

Cornyn: tha’s slanderous - the Teabaggers are former couch-bound patriotic wackos who want
their country back

Gregory: I see

Cornyn: they are unemployed weirdos worried
about runaway spending - look at the trouble
Harry Reid is in

Gregory: he was in trouble until people learned Sharron Angle supports an armed rebellion

Session: the Tea Partiers are actually Democrats who are against debt and in favor of lower taxes
on the rich

Van Hollen: the good news is they are energized - the bad news is the Tea Parties want to repeal the Civil Rights Act and force people to bring a
chicken to the doctor

Gregory: who wins in the fall?

Cornyn: I dunno

Menendez: Dems big time

Sessions: maybe GOP

Van Hollen: heh - I will put it out there Democrats
all the way

This Week with Jake Tapper and Joe Biden - July 18, 2010

July 18, 2010
Vice President Joe Biden

Tapper: You’ve accomplished a lot but people
are still really unhappy

Biden: we have meat inspection so Financial Regulation like that but we’ll people inspecting Goldman Sachs’ meat

Tapper: I see

Biden: it will take time for people to like us

Tapper: can you do it by November?

Biden: considering the Republicans are fucking insane - yes

Tapper: are you calling the American people stupid?

Biden: Bush lost 8 million jobs and we’re adding
jobs slowly but surely

Tapper: really?

Biden: I sit around the kitchen table and people
just want to know their President isn’t a muslim socialist black panther

Tapper: Is he?

Biden: no we’ve made this clear - he is not a muslim

Tapper: oh ok

Biden: it will just take time to explain what are in
the 1,000 page bills

Tapper: how bad will Democratic losses be in the fall

Biden: I have been sent out to repudiate Bob Gibbs - we’re going to the House and Senate!

Tapper: are you sure?

Biden: Look at Harry Reid - people thought he was dead until the Republicans nominated a psychotic

Tapper: good point

Tapper: is the Tea Party racist?

Biden: of course it is

Tapper: really?

Biden: no of course I have to say it isn’t a racist party - it’s merely party full of racists

Tapper: why are there no jobs?

Biden: It’s France’s fault

Tapper: Merde!

Tapper: Was the stimulus too small?

Biden: Well the Administration, Republicans,
Paul Krugman and Atrios thinks so

Tapper: and they were right!

Biden: Duh - but the Republican wouldn’t let us have a bigger one

Tapper: that’s sad

Biden: Wind! Solar! Supertrains!

Tapper: Exciting!

Biden: We’re creating jobs - not fast enough maybe but we are

Tapper: Are we going to withdraw from
Afghanistan or not?

Biden: Fuck yes! Bet. On. It.!!

Tapper: I’m suspicious

Biden: We’re going to pull out province by province

Tapper: Ok

Biden: Really I was telling the military to suck it up

Tapper: I just remember I wanted to ask you another question - what the fuck are we doing there??

Biden: Sure Jake people are being killed but that’s the lack of foliage

Tapper: Did you say fucking foliage??

Biden: Yes Osama is hiding behind some
very big trees

Tapper: Good god

Tapper: McChrystal called you Joe Bite Me

Biden: I like him because he didn’t let the door hit his ass when Obama canned that insubordinate fucker

Tapper: you didn’t take it personally?

Biden: oh no - I just told Barack to shitcan him

Tapper: Why did he hate you?

Biden: Because I don’t take a lot of shit from a bunch of preening Generals who think they are the reincarnation of George fucking Patton

Tapper: The Iraq Parliament met for 20 minutes

Biden: that’s great

Tapper: were you right that the country should be divided into three parts

Biden: yes - it’s totally fucked there

Tapper: but we’re staying

Biden: sure politics has broken out - it’s a big fucking deal!

Tapper: but it’s not working

Biden: Hey it’s took the Dutch 6 months to form
a government

Tapper: got another example?

Biden: the Netherlands too 270 days!

Tapper: that’s the same country Joe

Biden: and they have hash bars!

Tapper: what’s the larger strategy to combat islamofascism?

Biden: Build strong pro-American countries

Tapper: so going to the muslim world to build nations will make them love us

Biden: Obama can talk to them as a fellow muslim

Tapper: I thought you said he wasn’t a muslim

Biden: oh right - I meant he wasn’t a socialist

Tapper: well that much is obvious

Biden: I love me some Tapper

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Meet The Press with Robert Gibbs - July 11, 2010

July 11, 2010
Robert Gibbs (White House Press Secretary)
Rachel Maddow
Harold Ford
Ed Gillespie
David Brooks

Gregory: Bob how is the inability to stop the
BP oil gusher going?

Gibbs: well we still haven’t been able to do anything about it but we built this nifty shoe-phone

Gregory: are you confident in BP’s handling
of the situation

Gibbs: I’ve never met a bigger bunch of schmucks - and I worked on transition from the
Bush administration

Gregory: Obama says Republicans created the
mess that is the Obama administration

Gibbs: that’s right

Gregory: people think America is on the wrong track

Gibbs: in the last 6 months of 2008 the US lost 3 million jobs and now Obama is finally creating jobs

Gregory: yeah but things are still bad

Gibbs: Obama is going to visit the plant that supplies the batteries for the Mitt Romney 2000

Gregory: yeah but people can’t buy new overpriced homes and Politico says the stimulus was a communist conspiracy

Gibbs: let me repeat - Bush wrecked the economy and Obama is finally getting us out of the
damm ditch!

Gregory: but the debt!

Gibbs: was created by Republicans!

Gregory: you have to own all these problems

Gibbs: don’t drive the car into the ditch and demand the keys when we’re back on the road

Gregory: you’ve got an answer for everything

Gibbs: damm right Fluffy

Gregory: Democrats are localizing these races - doesn’t this prove Obama is a bad President

Gibbs: Hey Greggers did you know Republicans think the recent Depression was no big deal?

Gregory: but but but on the other hand I hate Obama

Gibbs: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: I don’t get it

Gibbs: all politics is local Dancin’ Dave

Gregory: Is Obama a failure or do people
expect too much?

Gibbs: We inherited a shitload of problems but I’m telling you we’re going to win in Afghanistan and then get the hell out!

Gregory: Is Obama going to raise taxes?

Gibbs: hell yeah - the rich didn’t even need those fucking tax cuts

Gregory: what will it take to bring back the
housing bubble?

Gibbs: it won’t come back as long as we’re still
in a recession

Gregory: which was caused by the housing crisis

Gibbs: well maybe those irresponsible buyers should move out of their house

Gregory: but they’re underwater

Gibbs: well according to Al Gore we all will be soon

Gregory: but the housing market

Gibbs: will come back when the economy recovers

Gregory: terrific

Gibbs: see it all makes sense

Gregory: Should I be terrified of hot red-headed Russian spies?

Gibbs: I was not terribly impressed with the idiots - it was like George W. Bush was running an international spy ring

Gregory: Obama escalated in Afghanistan and kept the state secrets privilege and went after Iran and North Korea - he’s just like Bush

Gibbs: that’s bullshit

Gregory: yes but my stupid predicate is that you
are just like Bush

Gibbs: and my answer is that you are the dumbest character on television and I include the entire
cast of Jersey Shore

Gregory: is the House in Jeopardy and please answer in the form of a question

Gibbs: it is if people want to spend the next two years apologizing to BP and Wall Street

Gregory: Would Obama trade the Cavaliers to
North Korea for nuclear weapons

Gibbs: that’s a good idea Fluff

[ break ]

Brooks: a month ago I felt the American people were happy but now I think the people hate Obama because worried about their grandchildren

Gregory: Sharron Angle is a serious economic thinker

Maddow: sure this election could be about if you are unhappy with the economy or it can be about that Sharron Angle is out of her fucking mind

Gillespie: pointing out that Republicans are insane only proves that Obama is a partisan and that he doesn’t care about jobs

Ford: we can’t dwell on the failures and crimes of
the past - if we are hemorrhaging jobs we need to cut spending and cut taxes

Gregory: it’s amazing you are unemployed

Maddow: I would like to subscribe to Harold Ford’s newsletter

Gregory: Why is Obama so mean pointing out all the mistakes of Republicans??

Maddow: Republicans are irresponsible spenders and also they fail at everything

Brooks: Republicans terrify the hell out of me

Gregory: that goes without saying

Brooks: we’re in a crisis created by Republicans which makes this a conservative moment

Gregory: good god even I think you’re a hack

Gillespie: Obama is going to raise taxes!

Maddow: you’re ranting about the debt and then you want to cut taxes

Ford: my point is cutting taxes and raising spending is really popular

Maddow: but it causes total public disasters

Ford: that is not my problem Rachel

Gregory: California and Illinois are bankrupt -
I mean it’s a real problem

Brooks: we should extend unemployment but it didn’t happen because the GOP opposes it and Democrats won’t give them all they want

Gillespie: why would you hire a new employee when you don’t know if health care reform will be enacted

Gregory: it was enacted you idiot

Gillespie: really?

Gregory: Peggy Noonan says Obama should give every American a Magic Dolphin

Ford: the reality is if America was going to elect a black President it should have been me

Maddow: oh sure

Ford: Gov. Christie is doing an awesome job

Maddow: truly you have a dizzying intellect

Gregory: Rachel you were just in Afghanistan and trying to figure out what the hell we are doing there

Maddow: we’re trying to create an Afghan government and our deadline concentrates the mind

Brooks: that deadline was too cute - but I was a strong supporter of the war and even I think we may have to leave if things don’t turn around in 10 years

Gillespie: The Bad Guys will wait us out - we need to stay until we Get The Job Done

Maddow: Honestly I don’t think spouting third-grade Hollywood gibberish is going win the war and create peace in that far off land

Gillespie: it’s all we’ve got

Gregory: and that’s the last word


This Week with Jake Tapper - July 11, 2010

David Axelrod - Presidential Advisor
Rep. Gutierrez
Rep. Bilbray
Tapper: David why does everyone hate Obama?

Axelrod: If I had to guess I would say it’s because Bush left us a horrible recession

Tapper: fair point

Axelrod: Republicans costs us 3 million jobs, blew a surplus, started two wars and a financial meltdown

Tapper: perhaps so - but white people think
he’s a slacker

Axelrod: oh bullshit if the economy was roaring people would love him

Tapper: how can you get anything done if you
can’t do anything?

Axelrod: oh no we still may be able to persuade Republicans to cut taxes

Tapper: dare to dream

Axelrod: not only that - Obama went to a plant in Missouri that makes bumper cars - we control
the global market in useless shit

Tapper: 70% of Americans think the stimulus failed

Axelrod: because the Bush recession was that bad!

Tapper: are the American people stupid?

Axelrod: Two and Half Men is the number one
sitcom and you have to ask?

Tapper: White businessmen say Obama is a Marxist and they refuse to create new jobs until he arrests all the black panthers

Axelrod: well Bush must have been in the Shining Path because they eliminated 3 million jobs when
he was President

Tapper: good point

Axelrod: and by the way lack of regulation caused the financial meltdown in the first place - not to mention BP!

Tapper: is the President worried that BP experts
may not be rocket scientists?

Axelrod: oh no they’re clearly on top of the situation

Tapper: really - cause they seem like idiots

Axelrod: well yeah

Tapper: OMG a recess appointment violates the Constitution!!

Axelrod: you’re shitting me right

Tapper: yes but you’re setting the stage for GOP Presidents to act unethically and outside the law

Axelrod: [ spit take ] It’s a little late for that

Tapper: yeah but you’re playing games - he
could have had a hearing

Axelrod: I really don’t give a shit

Tapper: General Petraeus wants to train an army of Village Idiots but Hamid Karzai says that cuts
in on his action

Axelrod: there’s plenty of room for both

Tapper: Did Obama lean on Blago to make Val Jarrett a Senator

Axelrod: maybe

Tapper: yes or no

Axelrod: so what if he did?

Tapper: I dunno

Axelrod: well there you go

[ break ]

Tapper: Luis is Mexican crime contaminating the purity of Arizona?

Gutierrez: some would say American drug addiction is causing crime in Mexico!

Tapper: Jan Brewer says most immigrants are coming to the U.S. to behead Americans

Bilbray: well that is not true but in fairness Gov. Brewer has seen her state become the kidnap
capital of the world

Tapper: that’s a lie as well

Bilbray: whatever - the point is there are too many illegals employed in Chicago

Gutierrez: fuck the border - the point is people overstay their visa

Bilbray: Mastercard too

Gutierrez: an American job: priceless

Tapper: what should we do with 12 million people here already?

Bilbray: first we stop paying people to be illegal and then we give deportation a chance

Tapper: would you deport 12 million and put them
in the back of the line?

Bilbray: we can’t reward illegal behavior!

Tapper: should we arrest Dick Cheney, Wall Street and BP executives?

Bilbray: oh noe!

Gutierrez: these people have been here for 20 years and have American children

Bilbray: well they’re not going to deport themselves

Gutierrez: finally we agree

Bilbray: well they might if we ask them nicely

Tapper: hell let’s all go


Sunday, July 04, 2010

This Week with Jake Tapper - July 4, 2010

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Paul Krugman
Dan Senor
Al Hunt
Jorge Ramos
Cynthia Tucker

Tapper: Senator McCain why the fuck is the
Taliban winning after 9 fucking years of war??

McCain: well it turns out we wasted 8 years attacking the wrong country in Iraq but now is the time to get bogged down in another useless land war in Asia

Tapper: should Obama double the number of
troops in Afghanistan?

McCain: of course but what I worry about more
than anything else is the July 2011 withdraw date and also the lack of pudding

Tapper: oh?

McCain: it sounds an uncertain trumpet

Tapper: I see

McCain: Our enemies won’t fear us if they
think we are ever leaving

Tapper: what kind of trumpet did Bush sound?

McCain: fuck Bush and Rummy - we need to
surge in Iraq and Afghanistan!

Tapper: oh ok

McCain: we should never withdraw until we win!

Tapper: great

McCain: also things are going really badly in Afghanistan which means we should never leave

Tapper: but General Petraeus says he agrees with Obama’s policy - is he an idiot?

McCain: I know about warfare and the enemy will wait until we leave to unleash their dastardlyness

Tapper: should Obama fire Eikenberry?

McCain: Look we won in Iraq and we can do that
in Afghanistan if we just never leave

Tapper: are we going to stop the random killing
in the next 7 months

McCain: gee I sure hope so because it sucks now

Tapper: it seems like it

McCain: we can’t lose in Afghanistan because it would be bad for the region and the people want us there and also Taliban! Al-qaeda! 9/11!

Tapper: Michael Steele says Obama was crazy
for invading Afghanistan

McCain: I’m a Ronald Reagan Republican

Tapper: you’re a senile phony?

McCain: Matlock!

Tapper: what about corruption?

McCain: Look a few Congressmen are always going to take bribes that’s just how DC works

Tapper: I mean Afghanistan

McCain: oh that too

Tapper: Should we withdraw for Iraq or would
that be surrender?

McCain: oh now it’s a great idea - sure there are problems but they’ll work it out - it’s time declare victory and go home

Tapper: You were in favor of immigration reform and now that you’re in a primary with a Tea Party nut
you flip-floppped

McCain: 23,000 Mexicans have been killed in Arizona - there was no violence in 2007 and now Arizona is an Official Human Smuggling Area

Tapper: fascinating

McCain: I invite the President to come to Arizona and see what a living hell it is

Tapper: yeah I’ve seen the all-you-can-eat salad bars at 4:30 pm

McCain: I love those

Tapper: aren’t you pandering to the most racist elements of your party?

McCain: Phoenix is the number two kidnapping capital in the world

Tapper: dear god

McCain: in the last 48 months Arizona has turned in "Matlock: Beyond Thunderdome"!

Tapper: Dan is Michael Steele fucking insane?

Senor: he’s a surrendering loser! It’s indefensible!

Tapper: what’s the worst thing he did?

Senor: he’s unserious

Tapper: OMG!!

Ramos: are we fully committed to that war or are we withdrawing?? It’s crazy!!

Tapper: the DNC says Steele is undermining
troop morale

Krugman: that was stupid - their morale is undermined by being trapped in a useless war

Tapper: this is America’s longest war and we haven’t even gotten any nice beaches out of it!

Hunt: I’ll let you in on a little secret - everyone in
D.C. hates this stupid war

Tapper: except for McCain

Hunt: Steele is probably a Democratic mole

Tapper: so was Joe Lieberman

Tucker: the Republican party needed a black face and they don’t have a very deep minority bench -
it’s ironic since they always whine about affirmative action

Senor: hold on a minute - sure everyone knows the war is insane but it’s admirable that no one in DC is willing to say that because you must cheer the troops and the American Empire

Tapper: wow you really are nuts

Senor: [ waves foam finger ] USA! USA! USA!

Tapper: so we all agree that chair of the RNC is certifiable

Panel: oh yeah absolutely

Tapper: In June we lost 125,000 jobs - what’s
going on Paul?

Krugman: we need more stimulus and I said so and I was proven fucking right

Tapper: oh

Krugman: and it’s going to fade out soon - jesus shit

Tapper: are we going to double dip the chip?

Krugman: it won’t be a “recession” technically it
will be “Giant Bummer”

Tapper: can we get a new stimulus?

Tucker: are you fucking kidding? We can’t even get them to pass unemployment extension!

Tapper: good point

Tucker: of course the GOP want economic failure - but the Dems stupidity here is puzzling

Tapper: but the deficit!

Tucker: no one gives a shit about the goddamm deficit!

Senor: but look at Greece!

Tapper: it’s a beautiful country where the women are sexy and men are hot

Stephanoplous: that’s true

Senor: ok how about Japan - who would live there!?

Krugman: Senor is lying his ass off

Senor: we need to cut taxes!

Krugman: [ smacks forehead ]

Cripes cutting spending now would be batshit insane - borrowing 500 billion now help and worrying about at debt of 20.5 trillion is crazy!

Tapper: go Paul go!

Krugman: They’re insincere! In the long run we’re all fucking dead!

Hunt: the stimulus was a bunch of bank bailouts and helping car companies which was terrible

Tapper: did the stimulus fail?

Krugman: half stimulus is worse than nothing because you can’t get another one later! Motherfuckers!

Tapper: oh my

Krugman: the world is panicking over
Invisible Bond Zombies!

Tapper: Roger Moore and George Lazenby?

Krugman: Ireland made savage cuts and the debt is still high but guess what - their economy shrank!

Tucker: the worst way to cut the debt is to keep people unemployed and Obama is sending mixed messages

Senor: you may be right but greedy people
are worried the debt

Krugman: he’s lying again!

Tapper: we all know that

Krugman: Reagan fucked up but he stuck to his guns while Obama splits the difference - shit!

Tapper: Immigration?

Ramos: Obama broke his promise - now I know he’s doesn’t have 60 votes in the Senate but we’re frustrated and something needs to be done

Hunt: he’s trying for Hispanic votes now - and in his defense the GOP are lunatics

Tapper: fascinating

Hunt: immigrants don’t come here to commit crimes -- John McCain is either lying or insane

Tapper: or both

Senor: Sure McCain is a cynical bastard but when Obama was a Senator personally wrecked a Kennedy-McCain bill

Tapper: wow he really was powerful

Senor: the best thing for Hispanics would be a Republican majority

Hunt: I’d like to point out that Senor
is lying

Tucker: I would also like to echo that Dan Senor is lying

Krugman: what she said

Tapper: well he probably is - thanks for watching